RiFF RAFF - How To Be The Man
It’s the white Danny Glover
rap game Uncle Ben
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Kanye Visits Architecture
how to make a useless box
Farkus awoke to a bird’s suicide on the other side of the window that neighbored his mattress. It was a nice mattress. Orthopedic. It was left to him by his dearest late Grandmother. She had accidentally died three years ago while loading luggage into the trunk of a cab. It was a sudden death caused by a sudden wind when it forcefully closed the trunk lid down onto her neck with enough pressure to send her head into the trunk and her body onto the sidewalk. Most of her friends were shocked. “She was only 86 years old; we never saw it coming,” one of them had said on the nightly news. It had shocked Farkus as well. The pain of losing a loved one proved to be more than he could bear at times. It was the worst moment of his life.
Opening paragraph of my new story
At two in the afternoon, Farkus excavated his head from the quarry of a barren orthopedic mattress that his grandmother had given him shortly before she accidentally died while loading groceries in the trunk of her Buick in the Wal Mart Supercenter parking lot of her rural town (the trunk door had fallen after a wind gust, that had been anticipated by Joe Shmo of the local news that morning, forever divided her head and body. The incident had shocked the portion of her friends who had not seen the weather forecast). Beside his mattress stood a faux wood knockoff IKEA table that was missing a leg and being strategically propped by a broken tennis racquet that was stolen from the exterior Goodwill drop-off location two blocks over. Farkus turned his head to attempt to gaze at the bedside table which held sixty-three Monopoly pieces from McDonalds (roughly sixteen pieces were redeemable for an item from the Dollar Menu; the rest were mostly duplicates of the Park Place property), an empty McDonalds bag, and prescription turtle shell eyeglasses that had belonged to his grandmother and were actually worn during her accident. Farkus reached his left hand all over the table, knocking many of the Monopoly pieces onto the floor in the process, until he finally identified the geographic location of where his grandmother’s eyeglasses were located. He put on the eyeglasses, reached for the empty McDonalds bag, and ejaculated into it as he thought about what kind of breakfast food he could have delivered from Seamless. He tossed the bag into a pile of others located on the other side of the mattress and rose to an upright position (a roughly 87 degree angle) to greet the day. He reached for his Macbook Pro (which was obtained via warrantee fraud using a broken one found on the sidewalk outside an apartment on the Upper West Side) and tapped into the neighbor’s highly protected wireless network using a program he had created on the toilet some years before. He was at work. Farkus was the richest man in New York City.